I still remember this girl, from my past.

I actually met her boyfriend first, I had a Chevy Chevette, and I was pretty handy and I tinted the windows of my car myself, he also had a Chevette and asked me to tint his window, and I did. He introduced me to his girl friend. She was young, 16 but they already had a child together. I wasn't much older, just got my drivers drivers licence, just 18 years old.

Long story short, he beat the crap out of her, in front of me so I helped her get him charged, I was an eye witness for her.

Her and I started spending all our time together. Her boyfriends parents had basically kidnapped her baby, and no one knew where they were, but she actually seemed happy about that, saying she can live like a normal 16 year old again.

We spent a lot of time together, almost inseparable. I thought she was my girl, and I was here man.

BUT, people started telling me things, things I just did not want to believe. They told me she was sleeping with a lot of different people, and NOW, I can tell you I seen a lot of proof, but back then, I just did not want to believe it. I remember going to visit her once, and she answered the door topless, and there were other guys in there, a few, and she kicked them out, and I was naive and gullible, I believed her when she said she was just changing quick and ran to the door because she knew it was me.

I was hanging around with her for a long time, about two years so it got to the point when I would visit her, I wouldn't knock, she always just told me to come in, so I did. So then it happened, I went over to see her, and their bathroom was right to the right of the entrance, and I walk in, turn to my right, and there she was, on her knees, in front of some guy I knew, HER ex boyfriend's BEST friend.

What was worse, she was so turned on, even when I asked in shock what was going on, she didn't want to stop. I did grab him threw him out, but she went after him, pulled him back in, she was still wanting to go with him, not worrying about the fact I caught her, she did not care, she just wanted to get laid basicly.

SO, I was crushed, my mind was spinning for weeks, I just couldn't wrap my little brain around all this, she still wanted to hang out with me the next day, like nothing happened..I did but I just couldn't see her the same anymore. I acted to her like everything was still back to normal, but inside I was pretty devastated. I never let it show, and in the end, she went back to her ex boyfriend, the one that beat her...making my mind spin even more, why oh why would someone go back to an abusive person?

ANYWAY, the whole point of this is, I feel that way again, my mind started spinning a couple weeks ago and it still is, I can't hardly sleep, I can't think straight, I am not sure what it is exacly, but I think I am losing faith in all humanity, the way I lost faith in her.

People are so selfish, I mean REALLY cold hearted and selfish, and no one seems to really love anyone, people who do love are willing to put up with abuse to just not be alone, its a fucking sad, sad world we live in.

Guess you just have to live for yourself too if you want to be happy. Just do what it takes to make yourself happy and who cares about anyone else? I have no idea, but my mind is having trouble wrapping itself around reality again.