Yes, I do have my ups and downs, I can't deny it. I am still unsure what I want, I am lonely but I am kind of shy and introverted, I think of myself as that dark shadowy cowboy in the old movies..that would swoop in, save the day and leave before anyone could even thank him. A loner type of person.

I have no idea what I am going to do, I am unhappy with where my life is at the moment but I am not even sure why. So, it is hard to know what has to change, etc.

I think it has something to do with the way the world and people, generally, are shallow. You know what I mean? Seems nothing is important but money and possessions. Makes me think of an old country song my dad use to make me listen to years ago, one part says 'while lightening is still the biggest thrill of all'. I missed the days when a storm was enough to entertain me, when movies could envelop me, when books would absorb me...now everything feels/seems so bland..like, well like I am already dead, just my heart and mind have not taken note of it yet. I feel like I have heard it all, seen it all, read it all...everything now is just repeats and different renditions of stories told a million times already.

I know that this can be a cause for depression, I think I am an artistic type person with a creative bug, but now a days, I just can't think of anything original, I can think of my OWN stories, my own pictures because...it has all  been done.

Look at how many creative people self harm or worse, but I do not resort to such things, I just seem to fall in to an internal pit of darkness once in a while. 

I am okay, just...uninspired and thus depressed, sometimes.