Two shots of happy, one shot of sad.

I am sick! Dammit it all to hell!! *sneeze sneeze* *cough cough* I feel like CRAP!

Side note, I tried shaving my head for the first time a couple days ago. It was a lot of work actually, I just shaved it myself with a normal razor that I use for my face. It took me just short of an hour and a half but I think it was worth it, looks alright. I should post a picture but I am too lazy at the moment, its just 9:12 am here.

Well it snowed here this morning. It was almost surreal. The flakes were huge and falling straight down. The sky was bright although there was no trace of the sun, hidden by the thin cloud cover.

 

I just got to work and no one else was there yet, and I looked behind the building into the woods/forest, and it was like a dream. It was the perfect backdrop to a love scene or some magical event.

 

Nothing happened, of course…

 

It was mostly melted within a couple hours.

Have you ever had something happen to you, in your life that you couldn’t believe how cold and cruel people could be, but then, later in life you find yourself on the other end of the spectrum and suddenly your perception of your past experience ( or experiences ) completely changes?

 

I am who I am because of my past but how I perceive things shapes how I view my past. Experience in life is the key I guess. Or the old saying, don’t judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes comes to mind.

 

I feel renewed, empowered for some reason lately, but like I lost something. Everything suddenly seems so logical in life, but like all the innocence is gone or something. I use to feel like I was stuck at twelve years old but, not anymore. I feel like the exact age I am, which will be 39 this month on the seventh.

 

Yeah, I am getting close to the big four O, I guess it’s about time I grow up. Although, I still do feel young at heart. I love to have fun still, I am not dead yet.

Some come back, I have been away so long I have no idea what to say.

Has it really been almost eight months since I posted an update?!?

That is just crazy!

Well, not sure what to post about yet for my grand return to mindsay, so I will just leave at this for now.

Just wanted to show someone my current desktop, so I posted it here

For the people who read about me meeting someone two weeks ago, and her suddenly not speaking to me out of the blue, with no explination, welllll..I think I got bad news.

 

She spoke to me today, but she was crying and she was quite upset, when I asked her what was wrong she said she was trying not to think about it. On the phone, she had people calling her every 2 minutes, her dad, her mom, her friends...

 

She signed into MSN while talking to me on the phone and beside her name, it said, "thank you everyone for your support - I am really hating the 'c' word", but she never would tell me what was wrong, maybe I am jumping the gun, but I am thinking cancer? What else starts with a C, that she could not want to hear that people are supporting her for?

 

I did manage to get her laughing, a few times, and I could tell I somehow managed to get her spirits up, so that is all good..but for how long?

 

She said sorry to me too, that she never tried to contact me the last few days, but did not give me any reason.

 

So, that is that..not sure what to think at the moment.

YEAH YEAH!

This is about two years ago, just me and my car having some fun, and btw, my kids were safe, they are behind a snowbank, just the camera was zoomed in, making it look like they were really close, lol, I am not going to risk my children's saftey!

Okay so yeah, I met a woman last week, Tuesday and we seem to really hit it off. Things are going great, we really seemed to click quite quickly. Things did start off pretty fast so when she seemed to take a step back after a few days, I support her as I knew we had to slow down and get to know one another first too.

 

So, one day I ask her to come over to my house, I told her I would cook dinner for us, she seems, weirded out by the fact I cook. A day or two later when I call she is sick, and I offer to go over and make her some chicken soup, she seemed shocked at this, she asked me a hundred times if i really would do that, I said of course I would. She didn't want me to go over as I did not meet her children yet.

 

So, then out of the blue, just talking about interests and stuff, she asked me what I thought of gay men. WELL, I have no idea where the question comes from, I wonder if one of her sons is gay, or you know, someone she knows so I try to be politically correct and just generalize as I had no idea why she would ask me this. I also, make the mistake of telling her I seen gay porn..IT was my ex wife that wanted to watch it dammit! I have watched gay porn, and I told her this and well...she became very distant at this point.

 

So, last night I was able to get a hold of her and we get to talking and I could tell there is something wrong. She doesn't want to talk about it but after a while, I say..come on, what is the matter. She tells me she doesn't think she is the person I am looking for, why you ask, as I did? Because, yeah..she thought I was gay.

 

So I asked her why, yeah the gay porn was a bad thing to mention to her, and my cooking, which I pointed out that lots of men cook, nothing gay about that. She also says my personality and demeanor are too soft, that I ask her how she is feeling too much, that I worry too much about if she is comfortable with me or not. She told me she was raped in the past, I just was worried about her, that is all.

 

She had someone leave her for another man in her past.

 

I talk to her for a good 45 minutes, assuring her I am not gay, and that I am a father, I have two girls I am raising on my own, I am a soft person, doesn't mean I am gay. And someone who left her to be with another person has nothing to do with me, and why even point out he left her for another man, would it make her feel better if he left her for another woman?

 

SO, anyway, she seems unsure were she is now, saying that maybe she is not ready to start dating again, but I supported her either way, but..I actually REALLY like her, I hope we can work this out.